I have a million and one reasons why I am not/ don't want to be pregnant right now. I will spare you that novel and just let you in on a few- oh lucky you!
(who wouldn't want another one of these running around, right?)
I noticed that there is a similar pattern, especially with LDS members- tell me if I am wrong, but it goes a little something like this-
Single: So.. you are getting to be that age, ya know.. well, why aren't you married?? (because I just graduated high school perhaps?)
Dating: What's it been a whole month? Well geeze, what's the hold up where's the ring??
Engaged: ....bliss.... err scratch that- So, when you guys you know, get married, when are you going to start having kids? (But he just put a ring on it!)
Married: Well gosh, it's been a few weeks- everything alright with them lady parts?
After baby numero uno: You know miss- it is a commandment to multiply and replenish the earth.. did you miss that one?
...........
Our little numero uno baby turned 3 this year- and let me tell you, I get asked the- "are you having more?" "why are you waiting?" "you better do it before you get old" "eh, 1 kid= spoiled kid" "I couldn't imagine a life without having a bunch of kids running around" kind of questions and comments on more occasions then one lately. Which is fine, I know people are just curious, or like to give their opinions which is great, but I'll let you in on something..
I love having just one kid. I love it. I have been thinking lately, we might just be done. And you know what? I am totally at peace with it. It's odd, especially in our religion, I don't know many people myself who only have one.
I know people wonder, but no it's not that I'm selfish, it's not that I don't like kids, it's just that right now I am totally content.. I really feel like my family, the three of us are complete. Sure, I might on occasion think about being ready, or just wondering if we should/need to have more. But lately, after praying and thinking through, I don't feel a nagging sort of feeling like we need to at this time. I know I'm not getting any younger, and I know that if in fact we do decide to, Bell's will be much older, but I feel deep down that it's ok. I feel that it's between me and J and that if we are ok with it, it's a-ok.
I love having a little friend all day every day, especially more so now because she can talk and will literally have me laughing till it hurts- and make faces like this and still look cute
oh and also while watching the little mermaid and pointing out that I look like Ursela. Thanks child
I know I have said this before, but I remember being pregnant and just wanting to stay like that forever, okay not literally- but I did not want my innocent precious baby to be exposed to this sometimes ugly world. I wanted to be able to protect her like i was able to when I was pregnant. So maybe it's being scared that's holding me back.. I don't like to think so though. After a week like we had last week I was for sure ready to call the Dr the next day and get my shop closed up for good.
My poor family got in a little accident, luckily Bell's and J are just fine!
After going through things like that, where it's out of our control- it's insanely scary. I am a paranoid individual though, which does not help but when I really sit down and think about life- things could happen in an instant and we as mortals have no control with what we are dealt with in this life.
Who can live thinking like that though? We can't and I refuse to. So I don't and I focus on the here and the now, and I focus on my angel and the happiness, gray hairs, lack of sleep, wrinkles and all she gives me (in that order too, okay maybe not the gray hairs just yet but I wouldn't be surprised if I really looked hard)
While taking our marriage strengthening courses I have been able to have a couple- as Oprah would say- Ah ha moments. I really feel like I have been able to mature in ways I wouldn't be able to without this course. I have finally come to understand myself, and others. These are some examples of what I enjoyed learning about this past month or so-
Never judge a book by it's cover- It's a waste of time in my opinion. We all are different, and that's what makes us all uniquely special. Plus- you never know what other's might be going through or where they came from. Sure we might not like a few people because we can't relate to them or what have you, but I really feel that if we were to truly give someone the chance, we might be able to find a new friend, or be able to look at a situation differently
Don't be so hard on yourself or other people- I am so guilty of both of these. I hate that I have in the past judged and have been critical of others- so guilty of it, but I know that as humans no one is perfect but I do know we can strive to be perfect so that's what I choose to do. I also am insanely critical of myself - read
here if you missed it- I do tend to be annoyed when I give compliments and they are shut down as fast as they left my lips so I decided, since I am pro at doing so, to stop and to simply say thank you or- I know! Besides, who doesn't love a confident (not cocky) girl.. am I right?
Try not to be someone you're not- This has got to be the biggest obstacle in my life. I tend to look at others and automatically envy or wish I could in someway be who they are or have what they have. In life, there will always be someone prettier, or funnier, smarter, thinner, just plain perfect (in your eyes) I had to consciously come to terms with myself and realise that this, me, myself and I is who I ultimately am. If I don't like something about myself, I have complete power to change it. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not, I need to own it, work it and like it. Sure I can put Kim kardashians curves to shame, but I do know that there are a lot of woman who pay the big bucks to have "sisters" like mine. Don't get me wrong I have my day's - let's just say it's a work in progress :) But it is progressing and I am working on it!
Those are just a few of the many things I have been better able to understand while taking our class. It's been fantastic, and I am so grateful for it. I am excited to be able to have the opportunity to raise a little girl and help her to understand this so called life we all live and to be right by her side through it all cheering, crying supporting and loving her the whole time too.
Scatter brained much? So back to the preggers talk, no I'm not pregnant, yes I'm okay with it, no I don't want to be anytime soon and yes the lady parts as far as I know are okay.. I guess we will just wait and see what happens and live life not worrying about what other's might think and just enjoy being the three of us for now :)
oh and PS- hub's has his 2nd triathlon tomorrow morning, can't wait to watch and cheer him on and live vicariously through him- hopefully I won't get too hot or tired standing there.. (that's me being sarcastic by the way)
